life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
