the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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