i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please don't give away my fajitas
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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