Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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