I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
