In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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