I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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