I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
