At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
