You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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