We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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