Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
