i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
