I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
