He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
