Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
