Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
