just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
