I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
