She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
