I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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