I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
