is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
