Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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