yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
