My hair reeks of homosexuality.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
