A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
