Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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