just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
