Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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