i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
