once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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