Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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