I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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