DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
