New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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