I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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