Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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