His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
