the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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