if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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