Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
