I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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