DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
