I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
