Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
