I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
