so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
