I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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