I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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