yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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