And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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