I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
