that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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