You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
