Say something about gay babies.
My pussy is not your playground.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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